10.01.09

Happy OCTOBER everyone!

So small note before the normal big blog tonight, I feel guilty :(

Okay so here's what happened, I was in class today at 2 PM and I had already drank my 60 oz of water but my stomach was growling which wasn't actually bothering me, i was enjoying it for once :) but some girl made a comment and so I said ya I'm a little hungry and then she tried to give me a KitKat bar which I was like HELLLLL NO!!! of course I didn't say that but I said, 'o no that's okay I have some peanuts' so I ate those elusive peanuts that have been in my purse for weeks :(:(:( 330 cals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMGGGG!!!! ugh so I was so pissed and felt so guilty and I came home and threw up the peanuts but it was hard and really took a lot out of me so now I want to sleep but I wont burn as many cals then. Also I took 5 lax...

Okiedokie that's enough for now, I'll write later.
Thanks to my two lovely ladies and their thoughtful encouraging words!!!
<3

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Kay, big blog time :)

Okay, don't let the smiley face fool you, I had a terrible night/evening. So here's the deal, I'm not suppose to take laxs at all, not even one because I used to be severely addicted to them and they completely crashed my system and ultimately were the reason I was caught the first time. Regardless, my stupid a** thought it would be okay to take them... just once the other day... and maybe today. (see this is how it starts i keep allowing myself even though I know I'll end up in the hospital!) anyway so today idk if I O.D.-ed on the lax or not very possible but regardless I had a very bad reaction.

I decided to sleep through the cramps while waiting and I awoke to stomach pains (usual) then I went into the bathroom and began getting dizzy and feeling very nauseous. Then, I broke out into an intense cold sweat and began shaking uncontrollably. I began dry heaving into the trash until acid began to come up. I couldn't stop. I couldn't even breathe and so i start to panic. I grabbed my phone and called my mom between sputtering and told her I was extremely sick and needed water fast and that she'd have to break into the bathroom. She was there in about 10 sec. flat. By this point I'm am coughing blood, shaking, freezing, sweating, sh*ting quarts of water, and dizzy.

So basically, I have learned my lesson for now. Even so though ED tells me I just took to much this time and it will be okay next time so I will say this now, IF I SAY I'M THINKING ABOUT TAKING LAXATIVES PLEASE TELL ME NO!!!!!!!

Also, if you are thinking about trying laxatives or using them just remember my terrible experiences plus, I have to stay up all night now even though I have to work open to close tomorrow.

Other than that I'm contemplating telling my bf I started taking laxs again so that maybe he can stop me but I'm not sure... I don't want to because it's my secret but at the same time I know that I can't trust myself and I still have half a box not even including my Epsom salt...

Okiedokie I hope everyone had a super spectacular skinny day!
Love to all!

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Intake:
122 oz. water: 0 cals
24 oz. black coffee: 0 cals
1 bag of peanuts: 330 cals
---Purge/Laxatives---
48 oz. chamomile tea

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P.S.
I was unaware that peanuts burn belly fat! Thanks for the tip!!! :)