Okay this sucks because I haven't been able to write every night and I really use this as huge thinspiration but the bf has a big 12 pg paper due and he's been on my laptop for 3 days straight :(
Anyway things have been horrible lately I've been b/p non stop... i can't stop idk what to do...
So I keep telling myself no b/p-ing but I can't help it. And I'm not even binging anymore I'm just purging... everything... it's really getting out of control.
So today after work I decided not to go to class because I didn't feel well but really I just wanted to purge the 130 cals of trail mix I ate... this is what I'm talking about. I also had a yogurt parfait, no granola... purged that too. It's so hard to purge when there is hardly anything there... Also I went to Kohl's today and bought a cute watch and some new pants, size 1. Which would normally make me happy but I feel like a stuffed sausge or a canned sardine... My bf says they look nice but I think that's bc they are tight... I guess I would be happier if I actually looked like a size 1 but I don't, I have huge hips and a giant butt and tree trunk thighs, etc.
I actually think I may be going crazy from all of this lol. Anyway so the plan for tomorrow is to just not eat so that I don't have to purge because my body is killing me right now. On the plus side my stomach, throat, roof of my mouth, and hand are killing me so bad I'm hoping it will diswad me from eating.
Okiedokie the boy needs the computer again. Sorry it was a depressing update hopefully good news tomorrow.