Okay this sucks because I haven't been able to write every night and I really use this as huge thinspiration but the bf has a big 12 pg paper due and he's been on my laptop for 3 days straight :(
Anyway things have been horrible lately I've been b/p non stop... i can't stop idk what to do...
So I keep telling myself no b/p-ing but I can't help it. And I'm not even binging anymore I'm just purging... everything... it's really getting out of control.
So today after work I decided not to go to class because I didn't feel well but really I just wanted to purge the 130 cals of trail mix I ate... this is what I'm talking about. I also had a yogurt parfait, no granola... purged that too. It's so hard to purge when there is hardly anything there... Also I went to Kohl's today and bought a cute watch and some new pants, size 1. Which would normally make me happy but I feel like a stuffed sausge or a canned sardine... My bf says they look nice but I think that's bc they are tight... I guess I would be happier if I actually looked like a size 1 but I don't, I have huge hips and a giant butt and tree trunk thighs, etc.
I actually think I may be going crazy from all of this lol. Anyway so the plan for tomorrow is to just not eat so that I don't have to purge because my body is killing me right now. On the plus side my stomach, throat, roof of my mouth, and hand are killing me so bad I'm hoping it will diswad me from eating.
Okiedokie the boy needs the computer again. Sorry it was a depressing update hopefully good news tomorrow.
Much love,
<3 autumn
About Me
- Autumn
- My life has been and is currently controlled, influenced, and dictated by my ED. This is my time to rant about my life and my now uncontrollable behaviors. I hope you enjoy and please do not take offense. I love you all and I do not wish anyone to have to experience what I have. I support you all and I appreciate your loving, caring, and supportive thoughts. Stay strong <3
3 comments:
sweetheart if u want to stop the b/p a counsellor may help. i have an online counsellor that really helps. her email adress is jo@samaritans.org and the counselling is just through emails. it really helps me when im extremely low.
i was there a couple of weeks ago purging everything bad place it was i got to the point where i one day slept threw my multiple alarms and phonecalls from people not to wake up till 2pm and then the next day my dad had to shake me awake that scared me so i tried my best to get out of it
is there anyway you can not give yourself the oppurtunity like eat in a place where you cant throw up and stay there till its too late to that worked kinda well for me
you can do it defo your a size one course you can do it make those jeans loose babe :)
good luck with the not eating thing! I'm doing a water fast for 3 days just to punish myself for the binge day I had today. God, I hate feeling so fucking bloated...
STAY STRONG!!
xo
Post a Comment