Monday, January 25, 2010


It's been a long while since I have posted something. Happy New Year! I wish I could say it is indeed happy... Although, I have started taking antidepressants... I've lost 10 pds so far... I feel 15 pds heavier... I've already had to go back to my doc for the check up, this med has a side effect of weight loss and considering my "history" my doc is keeping serious tabs on me so as many of you know, nurses...kinda dumb...they don't know the tricks. I went after school, I drank water...a lot...I wore knee high 5 inch wedge boots, 3 jackets, a hoodie and kept my keys in my pocket, it gave me an extra 9 pounds...

I probably shouldn't of done that, but my doc was happy and said I don't have to see her for another 3 months... I've started classes again and I am becoming more and more obssessed with my weight again. I had somewhat, to my perception recovered... if you can call it that, I do. It was the best I've been in probably 7 years. I wasn't happy though, I'm never happy. Isn't that sad...

Happiness scares me... How can you be controlled with such a complete emotional response?


I have homework.

I'm distracted...ughhhh. I wanna write, but I can't.

<3 autumn
"the personal is political" - Carol Hanisch

1 comment:

*strawberry//shortcake* said...

i have a suggestion for you. It has helped me. if you go to it is a free counselling site. If u post in a forum, a therapist will respond and there is an eating disorder catagory. They are very very caring, and have helped me realize that my eating disorder doesnt have all that much to do with my weight. Try it:) i hope it helps.