1.25.10

It's been a long while since I have posted something. Happy New Year! I wish I could say it is indeed happy... Although, I have started taking antidepressants... I've lost 10 pds so far... I feel 15 pds heavier... I've already had to go back to my doc for the check up, this med has a side effect of weight loss and considering my "history" my doc is keeping serious tabs on me so as many of you know, nurses...kinda dumb...they don't know the tricks. I went after school, I drank water...a lot...I wore knee high 5 inch wedge boots, 3 jackets, a hoodie and kept my keys in my pocket, it gave me an extra 9 pounds...

I probably shouldn't of done that, but my doc was happy and said I don't have to see her for another 3 months... I've started classes again and I am becoming more and more obssessed with my weight again. I had somewhat, to my perception recovered... if you can call it that, I do. It was the best I've been in probably 7 years. I wasn't happy though, I'm never happy. Isn't that sad...

Happiness scares me... How can you be controlled with such a complete emotional response?

....

I have homework.

I'm distracted...ughhhh. I wanna write, but I can't.
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<3 autumn
"the personal is political" - Carol Hanisch